All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
