It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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