good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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