Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize