R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize