They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
