Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
