Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
