Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
