Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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