she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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