i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
