My first STD was from a foam party
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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