this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
