Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
