can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
