I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's get the cat blown out
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
