Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
