Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
