I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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