He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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