Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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