weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
