i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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