They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize