ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So many bounce houses so little time
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
