Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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