you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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