rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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