just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize