he shaved USA in his pubs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
