just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've blown a few things in my day
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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