and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need a hoe opinion
go on
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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