you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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