New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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