FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
