she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
