Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
