So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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