you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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