please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you never un-have a 4some
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
