i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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