Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
