trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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