Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
