she smelled like a LAN party
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize