My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
