Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
