sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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