His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
