He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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