i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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