I'm going to rape someone's good day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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