New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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