So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
