Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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