WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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