at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
