I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize