I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
