he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
