I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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