So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
