just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize