I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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