The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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