If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
