I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
