When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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