she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
