ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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