I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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