That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
