we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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