What did we do last night that was yellow?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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