Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
