Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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