so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
