Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
