Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
