My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
