Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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