operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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