I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
