Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
