Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I did not marry a roomba.
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