Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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