if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
