you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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