i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
