If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
