I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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