is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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