a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
