my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
